Control, Gouache, and a Portrait of THE PAINTER as a Young Man

This week I’ve been thinking about “Control”. There is no refuting the general consensus that life can be extremely challenging at times. In general, it seems to me, to be a series of learning experiences and milestones, sugar coated by a clustterf*ck of confusing emotions and confusing relationships, both good and bad. 

Within this complicated journey of life, I’ve found that we really have very little control over many everyday things. As an A.D.D fueled artist with borderline creative compulsive disorder, one component that I am drawn towards in my creative process is Control. What do I mean when I say Control?  Please allow me to expand: Artists study and explore the different mediums available to us. Whether it’s charcoal, oil paints, silkscreen, oil pastels, watercolors, or crayons. We learn and experiment by pushing the medium’s capabilities in creative ways. We dialogue with our materials, and develop relationships with certain mediums that sometimes last for years. Myself? I’ve been dating Watercolors for a good four years now, but have begun to see Gouache on the side. In some ways, I view creating art like a mad scientist. I’m just pouring crazy unlabeled chemicals together into collective jars to see what happens, and laughing about it wildly and loudly as I do so!!!!!

     

 

 

I am normally a very energetic person. People close to me might describe me as hyper or they might say I have “positive energy” (is that the polite version? I dunno). Although I do enjoy my personality, and it’s who I am, it is at odds with who I imagine my ideal self to be. My ideal self is focused, calm, mature, a great listener, and some one who is in control. Reaching this Machiavellian place just isn’t realistic for me on a regular basis, but it is who I strive to be. It is no easy task to make changes to one’s personality, it is near impossible, but I do believe it is possible for one to try and monitor their behavior, but it requires great CONTROL. For me, this has never been easy because I am just too hyper. It is too challenging, and I really have to be on my toes to achieve it. 

But what I can do is control paint. When I paint, I am calm and focused. All distractions fade into the background. I trust paint. I know paint. I tell paint where to go, and what to do. Gouache as I’ve recently discovered, is great for this, maybe even ideal for this. Gouache is more opaque than watercolors, and depending on how much water you use to dilute the gouache, the layers of washes one uses are up to them. The less water you use results in really bold and graphic SuperFlat colors. I love the way it looks and moves on a surface.  Here are some examples of recent experiments.